whenever i start to feel ill, i become quite hungry (first) and then despondent about life, my career... just about everything. today was one of those days. feeling frustrated at all the things i wanted to have in my life at this point and my inability (it would seem) to accomplish and gain those things. times like this, i can't even trust myself to know what is right or just. am i crazy? or simply overly exacerbated to the point where sanity morphs into delirium.
i want so many things. so many....and to tell myself that i don't deserve it goes against what i fight so hard to remind myself everyday. otherwise, i'd be a big ole walking HOT mess. if only i could push down the things i want until it forms itself into a hardened piece of rock. something dark and shiny like obsidian. then, i'd just wear it around my neck and take it off when i didn't want to anymore. maybe then, i'd be more in control. gosh i hate not being in control.
i want so many things. so many....and to tell myself that i don't deserve it goes against what i fight so hard to remind myself everyday. otherwise, i'd be a big ole walking HOT mess. if only i could push down the things i want until it forms itself into a hardened piece of rock. something dark and shiny like obsidian. then, i'd just wear it around my neck and take it off when i didn't want to anymore. maybe then, i'd be more in control. gosh i hate not being in control.
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